


take my hand (through the flames)

by kinselllas



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Minor Monty Green/Nathan Miller
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-04
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-08-19 10:47:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8202793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinselllas/pseuds/kinselllas
Summary: Sing,” she says softly, her eyes traveling from the strings up to his eyes, and back down.Bellamy shakes his head. He likes listening to her play.
Bellamy x Raven musicians AU





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic here and I have no idea what it is??? Switches between present day and flashbacks- should be pretty clear which is which. For a point of reference: Raven x Finn x Miller and Monty are sort of inspired by The Fugees. Octavia x Lincoln are more like She and Him. 
> 
> I tried very hard to find a healthy balance between angst and fluff. As the story continues, more will be explained. Isn't it funny how every BR fic is basically just Bellamy falling over himself in love with Raven and she never knows what to do with that? 
> 
> *I should clarify, Raven is not disabled in this story. Murphy is not in this story, and I couldn't write a scenario where Raven is shot/injured just for canon-sake.

The sound of rushing traffic whirs past the window and Raven sits on the edge of a white bed. The lighting is dim, one lamp on the nightstand. Inhale, exhale.

Raven is alone.

The radio is buzzing in the distance and she hears a familiar name, glances over her shoulder at the small black box.

 

_…And the world premiere of new music from Octavia Blake. Leaked awhile back, before production ended, and here’s the final song. This is, “Aurora.”_

 

Lincoln’s piano ballad fills the room and Raven closes her eyes, she buries her face in her hands.

 

For the first time in months, Raven lets herself cry.

 

xx

 

_The first time they meet, she had just turned nineteen. Bellamy watches her from off stage, a careful distance. Her hair is almost black, intricate braids leading into a long ponytail. Her eyes are big and brown, and she reminds him a little bit of his sister- defiant, beautiful. Devoted._

_When she sings, her eyes are almost always closed. When they’re open, they’re on Finn._

_Finn’s eyes are always on his fingers, strumming carefully, or searching the crowd in front of him. Bellamy isn’t sure who he’s looking for- but that comes later._

_Raven has a presence that can’t be recreated, although many try. Some younger and some older, they try to strip themselves down and sound “real.” But Raven is just real. She never has to try._

_Nathan Miller writes her music, but Bellamy can only hear Raven in the lyrics._

_When their set ends, Finn throws his arm around Raven’s shoulders and pulls her off the stage. He plants a soft kiss against her temple and she’s beaming so brightly she nearly knocks into Bellamy, who’s stationery behind the sound equipment._

_“Sorry,” she grins, “You up next?”_

_Bellamy clears his throat. Nerves. “My sister. Octavia.”_

_Finn nods in response and offers him, “Cool.” Then they make their way backstage._

_Bellamy doesn’t see her again until Octavia’s first tour._

 

xx

 

Bellamy stands in his spot off stage and watches Octavia end her set- a series of thank yous and dedications. Lincoln rises from the piano bench and takes a graceful bow, then throws Octavia over his shoulder and carries her off the stage. The crowd screams. Bellamy just smiles.

It’s a special night in Chicago. Not only is it Octavia’s 50th show and the end of her tour, but it’s also her 21st birthday. Sometimes Bellamy feels like it was yesterday that he and Octavia were sitting in their basement rehearsing songs. He’s a wordsmith of sorts, but his talents stop there. Octavia was gifted their mother’s voice, soft and soulful. Bellamy wasn’t all that surprised when Lexa Woods asked Octavia to open on tour with her. It all took off from there. Two albums and a few singles later, Octavia was wrapping up her second U.S. tour.

Her most well-known song was one called “ _The Bird”_ and Bellamy would never admit exactly what or who it was about. He’s sure Octavia knows, but she’s never disclosed the muse in interviews. Bellamy loves her for that. Some things are better left unknown.

They stroll into the Four Seasons to celebrate, and Bellamy is hit with a wave of nausea. Too many memories were created here. A first kiss, a first fight, series of all-nighters when Bellamy thought he’d never fall in love again- _and he never has_ \- a last fight, a last fuck.

At least he can still see her in magazines.

“Bell!” Octavia’s voice breaks through and he finds his spot at the bar. “Stop being such a dad and come drink with us!”

Truth be told, he’d found himself trying to fill the father role with Octavia as fame took over, but she never seemed to need it. All she ever wanted was her brother. Bellamy can be that too. He orders a whiskey ginger, and uses it to chase Octavia’s tequila shots.

 

xx

 

_The second time they meet, it’s at Lexa Woods’New Year’s Eve party in Manhattan. Bellamy feels a little bit like he doesn’t belong. Everything he does is behind the scenes. He has no real claim to fame, other than writing the words that Octavia sings into a microphone. While the lyrics are memorable, Bellamy’s name is not._

_Octavia has a show on the 3rd and then they’re off to Boston._

_Suddenly the voices around the room start to hush and Bellamy glances over his shoulder to find Raven standing in the doorway. She’s wearing a long sleeve, tight black dress and her hair falls in waves over her shoulders. Miller and Monty are standing behind her, but it’s clear all the eyes are on Raven. No sign of Finn. Bellamy had heard he went solo, after his break-up with Raven. Or maybe his solo career was the cause of their break-up. There were other rumors Finn was involved with a med student he met while Raven was recording for their second album. The media will sell any story._

_She grabs a flight of champagne and takes a small sip. Bellamy smiles at her tiny grimace. He hates the taste of champagne too. Octavia is parading around with Lincoln somewhere and Bellamy doesn’t know anyone so he grabs a bottle of whiskey from the bar and heads out to the balcony._

_A few guys are smoking outside and Bellamy pulls his jacket closer against his body. The crisp winter wind whistles past him and soon he’s the only one left outside. The whiskey warms him a little._

_“Thought I’d be the only one out here,” Raven says, and Bellamy can’t help but smile._

_She has a small joint between her fingers and slides a hand into his pant pocket to pull out a lighter. Bellamy feels a rush of anxiety at the contact. She’s the kind of beautiful that makes it hard to form thoughts._

_Raven lights her joint and inhales deeply, it’s hard to tell what is smoke and what’s her own breath. She passes the joint to Bellamy and he hasn’t smoked since high school, but he takes it anyway, and feels much warmer after a big hit._

_“You’re Octavia’s brother, right?” She asks, and Bellamy just nods. Hard to form thoughts. “Do you write?”_

_He nods again, finds himself taking a small step closer to her._

_Raven’s eyes are red, glassy, almost daring as she asks, “Would you write for me?”_

_Bellamy’s writing has always been a very personal thing, something between him and Octavia only. Somehow it doesn’t matter that every day those words are broadcasted to millions of people, they’re still between him and his sister._

_That’s why he says, “No.”_

_Raven nods then, a small smile forming at her lips and she says, “Okay.”_

_They get pretty drunk after that._

_They’re sitting on the floor of a guest room passing the whiskey bottle back and forth, and Bellamy does his best imitation of one of Lexa’s electronic Canadian pop songs and Raven is laughing until everything settles, and there’s a silence between them. Raven is staring at her hands, and Bellamy is starting at her._

_“After he cheated on me, the first time,” she starts, seemingly out of nowhere, “he told he loved me. How can you do that to someone you love?”_

_She looks up at him, and all Bellamy can say is, “I don’t know.”_

_“Miller says we can do better without him.”_

_“Do you think you can?” He asks, voice soft._

_Raven shrugs, “Never tried.”_

_“No time like the present.”_

 

xx

 

Raven picks up the hotel phone and dials a number she has dialed a million times before, pressing the receiver against her cheek as she listens to it ring.

“Hello?”

She blinks back tears at his voice, the familiarity of it. Inhale, exhale.

“Hey, it’s me.”

There’s a frantic movement and shuffle of the phone before she hears his voice again.

“Raven? Are you okay?”

Her hand covers her mouth to muffle her silent sobs and all she wants is for him to be right there, next to her, telling her everything will be okay. But she’s still alone, and _that_ song is now playing on every station she turns to and she feels very sick.

“Raven, come on,” he says, quiet. “Tell me you’re okay.”

Inhale, exhale.

“I’m okay.”

Miller lets out a deep sigh of relief and Raven finds herself calming slightly. It’s comforting, just to hear his voice again. Lately, all she’s felt is scared and alone, and very very small. She tried Boston for a few weeks, lasted in Brooklyn for over two months, had a short stint in Philadelphia. Nothing felt like home for long.

“Where are you?” He asks, and Raven tells him, “Chicago.”

She can practically hear him nodding through the phone and it’s silent for a long time before he speaks again.

“Maybe you should call Bellamy.”

 

xx

 

_Octavia has a bronchial infection, and Bellamy is racing around Chicago picking up medications, testing different soup concoctions and doing anything in his power to make her feel better. It’s not about the tour, he wouldn’t care if Octavia never performed again. But he can tell it bothers her, to disappoint her fans and be holed up in a hotel room wrapped in blankets._

_He’s balancing a cup of orange spiced tea, a container of coconut curry soup, and a jug of orange juice when he smacks into someone in the lobby of the Four Seasons. The hot soup spills all over the front of his shirt and he can’t control the loud “Fuck,” that escapes him. The juice slips from his hand and covers the marble floor. And honestly none of that even matters because Raven Reyes is standing in front of him, biting back a smile._

_He asks her out in that moment, because it feels like she owes him one anyway._

_Raven is in Chicago recording their new sound, sans Finn, and Bellamy would like to talk about anything other than music for at least one night, which Raven seems okay with too. She tells him that she wanted to be an aerospace engineer, study at MIT and eventually work for NASA, which sounds incredibly insane but she’s so sure of herself that he believes in her dream, too._

_“What about you?” She asks, between bites of pasta, “Don’t you have a dream other than Octavia Blake’s album credit?”_

_It stings, a little bit. But it’s real. And Bellamy realizes he’s never really thought about it. Writing came easily, and he was more than happy to support Octavia while she pursued her dream. His lyrics tapped into something with people, and that’s a quality they grew to love about Octavia. She sang about things people didn’t realize they were feeling or could feel. Bellamy liked that he could give that to someone._

_But she also has Lincoln, and they will probably get married and Octavia will have her own life, without him. And what will Bellamy have?_

_“Nobody’s ever asked me that,” he says. Because it’s the truth._

_“You’re a good writer,” Raven’s fingers drum on the top of his hand gently, “But that’s not all you are.”_

_They walk back to the hotel together and Bellamy can’t stop himself from reaching out to graze her side, his hand slipping around her waist easily and Raven leans into his side. He’d felt it the moment he saw her on stage for the first time- that rush of excitement, and warmth. He feels it again as they walk through the lobby and she presses the button for the elevator. He and O were staying on the 8th floor, Raven was on the 11th._

_As soon as the door shuts, Bellamy’s mouth is on hers and he’s pressing her against the wall, listening to the ding of each floor in the background. He slides a hand into her hair and the other rests on her hip to pull her closer. Raven moans into his mouth and Bellamy’s hand moves to graze her collarbone, thumb pressing on her throat. He can feel her swallow. The air is warm and he almost misses the ding that signifies their arrival on his floor. The door slides open and Bellamy pulls away, smiling at Raven’s bruised red mouth, a few strands of hair have fallen in front of her face. He’s never seen her look more beautiful. That’s why it kills him to kiss her one more time before stepping out of the elevator._

_“Until next time, Reyes.”_

 

xx

 

Bellamy is on his third drink when he feels his phone vibrating in his pocket. He glances at the screen flashing _Unknown Caller_ and excuses himself outside to answer. Octavia’s festivities had gotten a little rowdy anyway. He steps out the double doors and looks up at the stars, sprinkling rain from the sky down to where he stands on the sidewalk. He swipes the screen and holds the phone up to his ear.

“Hello?”

Silence sits on the other line, he checks to make sure the call is still connected- it is. But he hears nothing.

Again, he says, “Hello?”

Still, nothing.

Bellamy takes a deep breath and sits down on the sidewalk, back against the cool brick of the Four Seasons.

“Raven?” He asks, voice cracking. “Raven, if it’s you…”

Bellamy feels that rush of excitement again, but it’s not the same. There’s no warmth, just the cool fall breeze blowing past him, and autumn rain spattering the cement around him. It had been months since he had seen her, even longer since he had heard her voice.

“You just left,” he starts, “I woke up and you were just gone, if I had known… if I would’ve known that would be the last time, I would have-“

He’s probably too drunk to be having this conversation, and it’s probably good that she’s not speaking. He can get a lot further in silence.

“I know you were hurting,” Bellamy says, “I would’ve done- if you let me I could’ve-“

He scrubs a hand over his face and wipes away a few tears with his thumb. He has no idea what he would’ve done. The end was not a break-up. The end was a coping mechanism. Bellamy can’t imagine it worked. He really never expected her to call.

“I was in love with you, Raven. I just wish-“

He hears a loud beep and glances at the screen.

_Call has been disconnected._

**tbc.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had already finished a lot of this when I posted the first chapter, but not enough to make it one LONG chapter. I had so much more to write. 
> 
> We find out why Raven is so depressed, although I'm sure some people figured it out pretty quickly. 
> 
> It's definitely going to pick up the pace from here, more present day, and less flashbacks. The first few chapters are really just build up! Hope you enjoy :)
> 
> xo Gia
> 
> *lyrics are from Poison & Wine by The Civil Wars and Something by The Beatles

 

_Bellamy loves palm trees. He never expected to love them. Growing up in Chicago, he always had a certain desire to be in a big city, surrounded by dark clouds and grey buildings. The tour has taken them to many cities, and Bellamy loves the cities with palm trees, especially the one that Raven calls home, Los Angeles._

_Bellamy, Octavia, and Lincoln grab their bags from the carousel and head down the escalator to find their car. There’s so much hustle and bustle that Bellamy almost misses the sign reading BLAKE, with Raven standing behind it. As soon as it registers, she drops the sign and jumps into his arms. He’s so surprised, and yet doesn’t miss a beat before dropping his luggage and wrapping his arms around her._

_“You’re late,” She says, mouth on the shell of his ear._

_Bellamy can’t fight the grin that spreads across his face, “Flight delay,” he kisses her jaw, “wasn’t expecting the escort.”_

_Octavia and Lincoln are already standing by their actual driver and staring at Bellamy expectantly. He still hasn’t put Raven down._

_“Are you coming or what?” Octavia asks, a smirk playing on her lips._

_He looks back up at Raven, who’s shaking her head slowly._

_Bellamy smiles. “I’ll catch up with you guys later.”_

_Octavia rolls her eyes, but he can see the affection there. Then they’re gone, and he sets Raven down gently._

_“Come on,” she says, “I’ll help you with your bags and show you around L.A.”_

_That night they drink red wine on the beach and Bellamy picks up Raven’s guitar for the first time. He tries to play, but the notes come out all wrong. She laughs and grabs it from him, prompting him to hum the melody trapped in his head. Raven plucks the strings quickly enough that it sounds exactly like the original._

_“Sing,” she says softly, her eyes traveling from the strings up to his eyes, and back down._

_Bellamy shakes his head. He likes listening to her play._

_She sighs. “Come on, Bellamy.” He’s still not budging, so she offers, “If you sing, I’ll take off my shirt.”_

_He rolls his eyes, but as soon as she starts the melody again, he closes his eyes and tries to find his voice. He counts the seconds in his head before clearing his throat and-_

**_“I don’t love you, but I always will. Oh I don’t love you, but I always will. I don’t love you, but I always will. I always will.”_ **

_Bellamy opens his eyes, because Raven has stopped playing. She’s staring at him, a wide gaze on her face and he ducks his head. He’s never been a singer._

_“Bellamy,” she whispers._

_“What?”_

_She drops the guitar to the ground and climbs into his lap, her lips crashing against his. Bellamy laughs against her mouth and slips his hands under her shirt, fingers pulling at the hem until it’s over her head and in the sand. Her hips grind against him and Bellamy groans into her neck, teeth scraping against her skin gently. She fumbles with his belt and reaches a hand into his briefs, guiding him inside of her slowly. She’s already wet and his fingers dig into her lower back to ground himself. He looks up at Raven and her lips are parted, eyes dark._

_He flips them so that she’s on her back and hovers over her body. He takes a moment to admire her, covered in sand, mouth stained burgundy from the wine._

_Bellamy doesn’t check-in to his hotel on this trip._

xx

Bellamy heads back into the hotel and tries to clear his head. It’s Octavia’s birthday and that’s all he should be concerned with right now. If Raven needed him she would’ve said something. She’s always done well on her own anyway.

“Who was that?” O asks, as he returns to his spot at the bar.

Bellamy shrugs, “Wrong number.”

Octavia mumbles under her breath but says nothing else. She had been there for the end, for the morning Bellamy woke up alone with no note or explanation for Raven’s disappearance. His arm was still wrapped around the silhouette of her ghost.

There’s a loud clinking of glasses and Lincoln is seated at the lobby piano, his eyes on Octavia.

“What’s going on?” she whispers, and Bellamy shrugs. He actually has no idea what’s happening.

_“…Something in her smile she knows, that I don’t need no other lover.”_

There’s a mood in the room and Bellamy can tell something big is coming. It’s _their_ song, and everyone is quiet. When the song is over, Octavia has made her way to the piano and Lincoln slides off the bench to get down on one knee in front of her. Harper murmurs a “ _Shit,”_ next to him.

“I love you, Octavia. I have loved you since the first time I heard you sing, and have fallen more in love with you every time after that. You are my family, and my home. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?”

Octavia nods excitedly and practically knocks him over in a kiss.

Reflexively, Bellamy checks his phone, and the screen shows no notifications. He naively thought Raven would be standing next to him at his sister’s wedding. He orders a shot of whiskey and throws it back before he can call her cell phone.

xx

_“Why are you looking at me like that?” She asks, and honestly, he stares at her without much thought behind it. She’s just pretty._

_“Like what?”_

_“Did you hear me? Finn wants to do an album, together.”_

_Ohhhh right, that’s why he was staring at her._

_“Why?” He asks._

_“He thinks it’d be good for the fans. To see us together, collaborating.”_

_Bellamy can tell by her voice she doesn’t believe it either. And all he really wants is to go down on her in the middle of her hotel room. He loves being in Chicago. Bellamy gets homesick sometimes._

_“And what do you think?”_

_Raven laughs. “That Finn’s album will benefit from my voice.”_

_Bellamy nods and leans in to kiss her, gripping at her shirt to pull her closer to him and her blouse comes off pretty quickly as he kisses her again, and then Raven says “I think I’ll do it.”_

_His hand delicately shoves her chest backwards. “You can’t be serious.”_

_And yes, Bellamy is jealous, but it’s more than that. Finn doesn’t deserve her voice in his songs. She’s so bright and warm and Finn found someone else. He will never be worthy in Bellamy’s eyes._

_“I don’t love him” she says, straddling his lap, “not in that way. Not anymore.”_

_“But you’re going to sing with him,” Bellamy says, propped up by his elbows. And, well, fair._

_Raven shoves his chest down and smiles, “Don’t be a jealous prick.”_

_“Don’t give me a reason to be jealous.”_

_She rolls her eyes and leaves kisses along his jawline, down his neck, nips at his collarbone. Her hair falls like a curtain over his face.His hands slide up her thighs and he mumbles an “I love you,” against her ear. Raven freezes her movements and sits up, stares at him. She almost looks surprised by her own thoughts when she says, “I love you too.”_

_Then came the phone call that changed everything._

xx

The news breaks and it’s broadcasted over the radio in Raven’s hotel room. She hasn’t stayed at the Four Seasons since _the night._ The Sofitel is just as nice, but very lonely. The news breaks and Raven is alone. _Octavia and Lincoln are getting married._

Raven lays in her room’s bathtub with her fifth glass of wine and she can picture Bellamy’s smile in her head. He must be so happy. They always talked about Octavia’s wedding, and sometimes they talked about their own. Bellamy used to pin her to the bed and ask her to pick a wedding date- _“June 5th? November 2nd? April 14th? Pick a day, I’ll be there”-_ and recite vows to her between her legs. Raven always laughed and squirmed, but there was something very real about his voice, and she loved that. She was the only one he would sing for, and she loved that too. Sometimes she sang with him. They had no harmony and sounded terrible, but that never seemed to matter.

Her hair is shorter now, falling right above her shoulders. She has a new tattoo on the inside of her ankle reading _finn_ in barely legible cursive, as if she needed the reminder. She wonders if that’s how Bellamy feels about the raven silhouette on the left side of his chest. His initials sit behind her ear, and lyrics to Octavia’s song _In This Place_ are scrolled over her left shoulder.

Then there are the other tattoos that came far before any of this. The little dipper on the inside of her wrist, the anniversary of her mother’s passing in roman numerals on her collarbone, a black rose on the underside of her arm to represent that same mother, a sprinkling of tiny stars over her right foot- someday she would touch them.

Raven dips further into the bathtub and shuts her eyes, drifts off to sleep.

xx

“You two have been working on a new album together, care to share how that process has been going for you? There’s a lot of history there.”

_Raven opens her mouth to speak, but Finn has already beat her to it._

_“We definitely have a lot of history, and music has always brought us together. It’s hard to ignore that.”_

_Raven glances at him and back at the interviewer. She’s never enjoyed interviews and was always fine with Finn taking the spotlight. But things are different now, she’s different now._

_“I just wish Finn’s guitar could keep up with my beatboxing,” she nudges him gently and Finn looks at her with warm eyes. The interviewer, Candy, is looking at them with the same gaze. Raven can feel herself tense._

_“So tell us,” Candy says, literally sitting on the edge of her seat, “for the fans out there, is there any hope for you two to get back together?”_

_Raven rolls her eyes, and looks down at her hands. She tries to laugh it off but then she hears Finn’s response, “It’s never off the table.”_

_The audience roars and Candy cuts to commercial. Raven grabs Finn’s hand and yanks him up from his chair, dragging him off the set. She slides her phone out of her back pocket and it’s flashing with emails and phone calls._

_“What the hell was that?” she asks, as soon as they’re out of earshot._

_“What was what?”_

_“THAT,” Raven shoves him, “You’re making it sound like this album is somehow… you’re making it sound like we might-“_

_Finn’s brow furrows, “Would that be so bad? Raven, I love you.”_

_She takes a step back and Finn’s eyes fall to the raven necklace hanging around her neck- a gift he had given her after their first show together. They became The Bird and the Braun, then he met Clarke and fell in love and they became Raven and Finn again. Raven was ready to stay that way. She pulls the necklace over her head and gently places it into the palm of his hand._

_“Not the way I want to be loved.”_

_She leaves after that, heading straight to her apartment where Bellamy is sprawled out on her bed, asleep. She creeps into the bathroom to shower and pulls her jeans off, following with her tank top. She turns when the door creaks open and Bellamy is standing in his briefs, eyes half open._

_“I need a shower,” Raven sighs, running a hand through her hair._

_“I heard about the interview,” he pulls her to his body, gently. His head nods to the shower, “Can I join you?”_

_Her fingers slide into his waistband and push his briefs down as she pulls him towards the tub, head nodding slowly. Bellamy kisses her before she’s even stepped inside. She giggles as the water plasters his hair against his head, and she combs it out of the way. In that moment, she takes a second to admire the freckles scattered over his cheeks. Her thumb glides over his jawline and his mouth curves into a smile._

_Raven’s happy. It can’t last._

_After the shower, Raven drags him to bed and they crawl under the covers, his arms wrapping around her. Bellamy buries his face into her shoulder and they fall asleep. She ignores her ringing phone a million times before finally sitting up and answering._

_“Raven, it’s Clarke,” her voice is shaking, and Raven’s stomach drops immediately, “There’s been an accident.”_

_Somewhere in the blur she hears Good Samaritan and flies out of bed to pull on a tank top and some leggings. Bellamy follows without hesitation. She sprints down the stairs to her car and he grabs the keys, claiming the driver’s seat before she has the chance. Everything around her is spinning and Bellamy is silent, calm. His eyes stay on the road, but he slides one hand to sit on top of hers, squeezing gently. It’s dark outside when they get to the hospital and his hand is on her back as they race through hallways until Clarke stops them._

_“Raven-“ she says softly, voice breaking._

_Raven takes a deep breath, prepares for the worst, “Where is he?”_

_“Just, listen-“ She can tell by Clarke’s face, the worst has already happened, “We did everything we could, there was so much internal bleeding and they couldn’t-“_

_Raven whispers a faint “No.”_

_Tears are streaming from Clarke’s eyes and she opens her mouth, but no words come out. Raven looks over Clarke’s shoulder at the room behind her and all she can see is a body covered by an ivory sheet, all of the monitors have been unhooked and turned off._

_Clarke says, “I’m so sorry.”_

_Raven’s screams echo through the hospital._

_Bellamy catches her before she hits the linoleum._


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Biggest AU- Miller and Raven are best friends, as opposed to canon where he treats her like a soldier.

_Raven slides into the pew and pulls her black dress down, slouches against the wood and stares at the shiny brown coffin in front of her. The church is huge, at least a hundred people have already filed in and found their seats. Bellamy is next to her, a gentle hand on her knee._

_“Sit up straighter, dear.” The voice startles her, but it’s so familiar that Raven obeys without question._

_Mira and Allen Collins are seated behind her and Raven can feel Mira’s eyes burning into the back of her head, as if Raven is somehow to blame for all of this- and her poor posture only worsens it. Clarke is seated next to Bellamy, and she doesn’t really know Finn’s parents at all. Lucky her._

_The priest is giving a reading and Raven turns to Bellamy, mouth against his ear, “Drinks after this?”_

_She can ear Mira loudly shush her and straightens in her seat._

_There comes a point in the service that they ask for family or friends to approach and say a few words on Finn’s behalf. Now, multiple eyes are burning into her, waiting for her to stand up. Raven just looks to Miller and shakes her head. He nods and rises to give his own speech._

_Considering the hoards of people at the funeral, the burial is much quieter, more intimate. Bellamy stands next to Raven, his fingers at the small of her back. Miller and Monty are holding hands next to them, eyes closed. Clarke stands alone. She has a peaceful, acceptant look that Raven envies._

_“Raven,” Mira’s voice cuts, “Take off your sunglasses.”_

_When the coffin is in the ground, and Raven can’t see him anymore, she takes a deep breath and wipes the tears from her face. It seems surreal, saying goodbye to Finn, seeing his body lowered into a hollow space. Miller seems to have the same feeling. When everyone else meanders away, he plops down on the ground and starts talking. Raven can only imagine the conversation. Monty’s got his head on Miller’s shoulder and laughs at a few of the anecdotes. New tears form at Raven’s eyes._

_Mira approaches her with a distant hug and Raven can feel her muscles tensing._

_“You look nice,” Mira forces a smile, “Although hardly funeral appropriate.”_

_She does her best to smooth out her hair and tugs at the skirt of her dress, suddenly feeling twelve all over again- being dragged to church and other bleak affairs with Finn, Mira, and Allen, constantly scolded for her lack of manners and horrible upbringing. Mother knows best, or something._

_They walk to the town car in silence, and she finds her way into Bellamy’s arms, fingers digging into his back to let him know how much she needs him. Bellamy holds her tightly, mouth against her hair._

_“Raven,” he says gently, “I’m sorry.”_

_The funeral reception is all navy, red, and gold decor- flowers placating every surface, sparkling lights bordering every corner of the room. None of it is Finn- at least, not the Finn she knew. But Raven had no part in the planning process._

_She’s on her fourth drink and starting to lose her balance when Miller grabs her by the wrist._

_“Hey beautiful,” he smiles, warm. “How sloshed are you right now?”_

_Raven grins back, “Not sloshed enough.”_

_Bellamy is sitting at a table discussing something animatedly with Clarke, and Raven digs her nails into her palm. Does Clarke even_ try _to find her own men? She takes a deep breath and stills herself. Miller follows her gaze and laughs._

_“Reyes, your jealousy is showing,” he nudges her._

_Clarke’s hair is pulled back into an intricate bun, strands falling in her face. Her eyes are so blue they make Raven want to drown- not in her eyes, just drown in general- and Bellamy looks genuinely happy to be talking to her, which makes it all the more infuriating._

_The word “princess” comes to mind, but she keeps it in._

_When he rises to get another drink, Raven meets him halfway and he beams at her. He always has this big grin on his face when he sees her, even in moments like this, when everything else is sad._

_“Hey you,” he says softly, presses a kiss to the corner of her mouth._

_Without thinking, she grabs for his hand and drags him down the hallway, into a different room._

_It’s a large banquet hall, eerie without people. The only light is streaming in from the sunset outside and Raven pulls Bellamy to her, brushing her lips against his. He doesn’t hesitate before kissing her again, pushing into her slightly. His hands slide over her body with care and he lifts her, setting her down on the bar top. Her fingers push his jacket off and it falls to the floor carelessly. His mouth is too gentle, grazing over her neck and collarbone._

_They haven’t had sex, since_ **_it_ ** _happened. Raven’s body aches at the contact, craves more. Bellamy touches her with the same desperation. Her fingers rip at his buttons and glide over the bare skin. Her lips press against his jaw and she nips gently. She lets a hand slide into the waistband of his black pants and Bellamy groans against her ear._

_“Slow down, Raven.” He breathes, attempting to catch his breath._

_She pulls back for a moment, just to look him in the eyes, and says, “No.”_

_He stares at her, a little too long, and Raven’s gaze drops._

_“I just want to-“ she whispers, softly “be here with you. Okay?”_

_“Okay.”_

_Bellamy rakes his hands up her skirt then, and kisses her again. She breathes a sigh of relief into his mouth. He hooks his fingers in her underwear and pulls them down slowly. Raven gasps at the cool marble hitting her skin. His index finger grazes over her folds gently, and she bites back a moan. She is suddenly very aware that Bellamy is watching her, gauging her reactions._

_“You are-“ he starts, his other hand is tangled in her hair, “beautiful.”_

_He says it a lot- you’re beautiful, i can’t believe how beautiful you are, i think you are the most beautiful fucking- and every time Raven’s breath catches. It catches again when Bellamy bends down to guide his mouth along the inside of her thighs. His lips press against her center softly, and she lets out a long sigh._

_His tongue glides between her folds, and his fingers spread them open, the tip of his tongue flicking against her clit. Raven’s knuckles are white on the edge of the bar._

_He pushes a finger inside of her while his tongue follows careful circles around her clit, and she can feel herself flushing. Another finger pushes in, and Bellamy thrusts them up roughly, his tongue moving faster in rhythm._

_“Fuck, Bellamy.” Raven’s moans are soft and breathy, one of her hands finds its way into his hair. She clutches at the curls tightly, keeping his mouth in place. Her legs prop up on his shoulders and he slides a hand up her blouse, under her bra. His thumb brushes against one of her nipples. Raven’s head falls back and she knows she could come apart any minute._

_Bellamy’s still pumping his fingers in and out of her, his tongue is flicking at her clit in these featherlight touches that he knows she likes and Raven can feel her stomach swell. Her hand pulls at his hair roughly, and Bellamy groans against her, the sound vibrating through her body._

_His fingers are moving faster and his tongue meets just the right rhythm that makes Raven fall apart. Her eyes fall shut, and she coughs out a moan, legs tightly closing against his neck. Everything in her erupts with blinding pleasure and she has to hold Bellamy in place, until the waves cease. She doesn’t move for a few moments, takes some time to gather her composure again. Her thighs are shaking and he helps her off the bar carefully, retrieving her underwear and his jacket from the floor. She pulls them on over her heels and smooths out her ruffled hair. Bellamy wipes a hand over his mouth._

_“Did that help?” He asks, jacket swung over his shoulder._

_Raven’s legs feel sticky, limbs still a little weak._

_She clears her throat and says, “No.”_

xx

Raven nervously holds her spot at the bar, unable to explore and socialize like a normal person. She had accepted the invitation, reluctantly. Octavia had become one of her best friends during her relationship with Bellamy. Seeing her now, skipping through the galleria with a sparkling ring on her finger, Raven feels warm.

Monty approaches her and gives her a soft nudge. She takes a sip from her drink and smiles.

“You’ll never guess who I ran into on my way back from the bathroom,” he says, eyebrows raised.

“Rihanna.”

“Goddammit, Reyes.” Miller flanks her other side, “Be serious!”

“Okay, okay,” Raven laughs, plastering a fake smile on her face. “Monty, who did you run into?”

“Dude, you know who he ran into!” Miller says loudly.

Monty narrows his eyes at Miller. “Dude, chill.”

“Bellamy,” Raven guesses, just to stop them from bickering. “Did you run into Bellamy?”

Monty sighs, the anticipation dying quickly. “I ran into Bellamy.”

“He was with a girl!” Miller shouts, and then his hand flies over his mouth. “I need to chill.”

Raven’s stomach drops, although she has no reason to be jealous either way. She ended things, sort of. Disappearing in the middle of the night usually ends a relationship. It was never because she didn’t love him. She probably should’ve told him that. Never had the chance. She slides her hands over her tan skirt to smooth it out. Old habits.

Raven shrugs, another sip of her drink.

“Babe,” Monty places a very serious hand on Miller’s arm. “Do you ever stop talking?”

Raven sees Bellamy setting up equipment on the small stage and wonders what’s coming. He’s busy adjusting a mic, his shirt sleeves rolled up. He looks very nice. She could tell him that too, but she probably won’t. A young woman approaches him, curly brown hair and a sweet face. She has an acoustic guitar hanging over her shoulder. Bellamy smiles at her warmly and pulls up a stool. The mic clicks on.

_“Testing…testing…1, 2, 3.”_

He unintentionally meets her eyes and Raven gives him a thumbs up, eyes a little wet at seeing him again. Bellamy’s face flushes and he nods back to the girl behind him, who tunes the strings on her guitar. He carries the mic over to her and positions it carefully. She gives him a small smile and starts strumming her guitar. Her voice rings out and it’s soft, husky. Raven feels goosebumps spread over her arms and she rubs them, a little irritably.

Couples around the room inhabit the dance floor and Miller extends his hand to her. “May I have this dance?”

Raven rolls her eyes, but takes his hand anyway and follows him out to the floor. Miller pulls her in close, hand falling on her waist gently and locking their fingers. Ten years they had been friends. She can remember Miller as a gawky twelve year old, chasing her around the park by her house, way past dark. Her mom wasn’t around enough to notice. His parents weren’t around.

“I’m glad you called,” he says, giving her hand a light squeeze. “You know Monty and I fall apart without you around.”

Raven snorts and gives him a soft chuckle. “You guys do alright.”

Miller moves in close, mouth hovering near her ear. “Want me to grab your ass? Make Bellamy jealous?”

She smacks him then, square in the chest and moves her head against his shoulder, laughing quietly. She can feel Miller’s own laugh vibrating through him. Raven takes her steps slowly, breathing a sigh of relief at being safe again. Tearing through nightclubs and trashing hotel rooms in Europe had left her feeling as empty as she expected. She hasn’t had a home for months. Not that she ever really did to begin with.

“Raven?” Another hand touches her arm gingerly, and Raven glances up to find Bellamy standing in front of her. Miller drops his hands and gives him a soft smile.

“Bellamy,” she whispers, and doesn’t think as Bellamy pulls her to his body and his hands hesitantly fall to her waist. He takes a few steps and catches them up to the music, slowing when they find their rhythm. She glances over her shoulder to Miller finding his way back to Monty and pressing a kiss against his jaw. She smiles to herself before returning her gaze to Bellamy. His eyes are still warm, but a little sad.

“So,” Raven starts, voice quiet. “How have you been?”

Bellamy’s lashes flicker lightly at the sound of her voice, as if he’d forgotten what it would sound like. Maybe he had. She swallows at the thought.

“Good,” he nods. And then, “I didn’t know you would be here.”

“Would you have skipped it if you knew?”

She means it as a joke, but her voice is too weak and it doesn’t quite land. Bellamy stares at her and then sighs, moving his gaze around the room instead. It’s silent for awhile then, his arm is still around her waist and he’s still got her hand in his, but it’s not romantic. It’s melancholy. It’s regret.

It’s heartbreak.

“You still with Wick?” he asks, voice low.

And to be fair, she was never really _with_ Wick. She partied with Wick, she covered tabloids with Wick, she even destroyed 2000 dollars worth of champagne bottles with Wick. But she was never really _with_ Wick. She shakes her head.

“Are you with her?” Raven nods to the pretty girl on stage.

Bellamy shakes his head.

“Bellamy, listen-“

“Don’t,” he stops her, “Whatever you’re going to say, you don’t have to-“

“I’m sorry,” Raven says, abrupt. “I was going to say I’m sorry.”

He nods then, and gives her a small, sad smile.

“Okay.”

xx

_Bellamy sings to Raven sometimes, guitar in his lap and sings words that he never expected to sing. She always listens, without comment. Sometimes she’ll nod her head with the rhythm. Sometimes, on double dates, Lincoln will play the piano and Bellamy will sing a lovesick ballad and pin Raven to her chair._

_His mom always sang. She sang to relieve stress, to comfort her children, to attract men._

_Bellamy sings for Raven alone._

_His eyes twitch open in the dark of morning, and he’s suddenly very aware that he’s alone. He jumps with a start, pushing himself up in bed and staring at the empty space next to him. His pulse has quickened and the spot where Raven had been is cool under his touch. She’s been gone for awhile._

_Bellamy glances at his phone, but there are no messages or notifications._

_The biggest surprise here, the one that catches him the most off guard, is that he’s not surprised at all._

 

xx

 

**TBC**

 

 


End file.
